I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
