I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
