Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
