I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
