You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
