when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
