Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
