Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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