I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
