I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
