is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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