it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
