smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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