whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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