I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
