The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
