Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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