Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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