is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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