i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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