Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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