I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
