last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The air was thick with penises
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
