woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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