I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
