Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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