he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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