If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
