remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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