I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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