tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
