I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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