there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I understand Curling. That high.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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