I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
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Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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