I can text with my tongue
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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