he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
