She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
