I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize