Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
