i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
