just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so let's talk penis.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
