I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
