Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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