I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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