I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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