I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
