All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
