They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
