it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i think i have two assholes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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