We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
