I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
