i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
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somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
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Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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