I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
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I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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