He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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