it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
