I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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