Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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