Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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