I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
